‘You can just be her mom from now on’: Daughter snaps when Mom chooses the golden stepchild over her on her 16th birthday

Author image for Jesse Kessenheimer
Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Sep 9, 2024 6:00 AM EDT

Your teenage years are memorable for a lot of reasons–good and bad. Hormones are off the charts, emotions are flying high, and even though you're on vacation (paid for by your parents), you'll find some silly reason to hate your life. Somehow, the angst of your teen years feels a little silly once you're older, but there is certainly some validity behind a teenager's inherent intensity. And for the moody teenager in this next story, her rage was entirely validated–and may just follow her into adulthood. 

After years of being picked second over her younger stepsister, u/LateAd1848 (OP) was tired of being her mom's second choice. While the mom really had no reason to bench her own bio-child, she seemed utterly fixated on cultivating a relationship with her 'new daughter' over maintaining a healthy connection with her firstborn. 

But all of this family drama came to a head when OP's 16th birthday came around the corner. Normally a major milestone for a lot of blooming tweenagers, this seemed like the perfect opportunity for some mother/daughter bonding. Well, this neglectful mom decided it would be excellent timing to, once again, sideline her biochild. 

Scroll for the fallout that occurred when Mom told her daughter to reschedule her 16th birthday plans so that she could hang out with her stepkid instead.

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    Cheezburger Image 10400262144
    via pzRomashka - Getty Images via Canva
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    AITA for freaking out when my mom asked me to let her reschedule my birthday plans for her to do something with her stepdaughter?
    via LateAd1848
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    It was just me (15f) and my mom (40f) for the longest time. I never knew my dad or really cared that I didn't know him. I was really close with my mom and didn't want or need anything else. Our relationship
    via LateAd1848
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    was good but I always sorta felt like she saw spending time with me as an obligation and that she didn't want to do it as much as me. When I was 12 she told me she had a boyfriend and that she wanted him to move in with us
    via LateAd1848
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    alongside his daughter. Then she went on to talk about all the zoom calls she'd had with her and that she'd spent some time with her, how she was a really great kid, the best, how she could be my little sister and how my mom already saw her as another daughter.
    via LateAd1848
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    When I met my mom's husband he asked a ton of questions about me because mom told him very little (which he said directly). Yet my mom had listed off a bunch of about his daughter Cam (now 13). My mom spent all of moving in day being all about
    via LateAd1848
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    Cam and left me with her husband. He didn't say much. He just asked me for help once and then I went to my room. Mom took Cam out for a special dinner while her husband and I got other stuff. I got a frozen pizza and he made sandwiches.
    via LateAd1848
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    After they moved in mom spent a lot of time with Cam. She still spent time with me. But she seemed so excited to spend time with Cam and I never saw her show that same excitement for me. I asked my mom why she was so much
    via LateAd1848
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    more excited about being with Cam and she told me that was the green eyed monster talking and she wasn't more excited to spend time with Cam. I brought it up a few more times but mom always said it was just my jealousy
    via LateAd1848
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    talking. And I was/am jealous but I don't think I'm seeing 1. She spoils Cam and goes out of her way to get Cam gifts. She boasts about all the stuff she does too and I never hear her mention me, which mom said was because I'm older and that she has mentioned me some of the time.
    via LateAd1848
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    My mom was supposed to take me to this place in November to celebrate my birthday. It's a limited time thing happening so we can't do it another time. Yesterday mom sat me down after school and asked me to reschedule our plans so she can take Cam
    via LateAd1848
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    to a concert on that day because Cam will be with her grandparents the other days her thing is on. I freaked out and asked mom how she could make me give up something for Cam because she knows she can't reschedule our plans. I told her I knew she
    via LateAd1848
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    liked Cam more and I never should have tried talking to her before because this stuff was just all the proof. My mom told me to calm down and she said she was ashamed of my reaction. She told me I was too old to be acting like that and getting so jealous of sharing her. AITA?
    via LateAd1848
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    jess1804 10h ago NTA. Ask your mom to EXPLAIN THOROUGHLY WHY you should be ok with her sacrificing your birthday plans which can't be rescheduled for her to do something with Cam. Ask her to EXPLAIN THOROUGHLY what Cam is doing that is so special that she absolutely NEEDS your mom for. That these are not plans that can just be done another day.
    via jess1804
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    nickfarr 10h ago Pooperintendant [56] NTA Don't freak out anymore. Just be cold AF. Tell your mom exactly how you feel. "Mom, I feel like you act as if spending time with me is an obligation, where spending time with Cam is a joy for you."
    via nickfarr
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    "You're the mother. I understand conflicts happen but it's your job to make it up to me." "Cam has her Dad, her Mom and her Grandparents. I have you, that's it." "I need you to pay for therapy."
    via nickfarr
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    Embarrassed_Advice59 • 10h ago | Enthusiast [8] I'm really sorry OP. Your mom absolutely dropped the ball. Multiple times at that. NTA. Do you have any other relatives that may be able to take you? Or can you go with your friend? You shouldn't have to reschedule your own birthday plans.
    via Embarrassed_Advice59
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    kurokomainu • 10h ago Professor Emeritass [83] NTA I'd calmly but firmly tell your mother to have a real think about what she has been doing and not shrug it off. She wanted to cancel your birthday plans, because she doesn't want to miss out on doing something with her stepdaughter instead. Something she thought of after making birthday celebration plans with you. Ones you can't reschedule.
    via kurokomainu
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    This isn't a small thing. It's incredibly and hurtful, and it's dismissive of you. Worse than that, it's part of a pattern. This time she's really crossed a line and if she doesn't pull her head out and think about what she's doing she'll cause real damage to your relationship.
    via kurokomainu
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    Matt Daveys • 9h ago Partassipant [3]] Tell your mom, "Fine, I'll stop being jealous. You can just be her mom from now on." Then only refer to her as Cam's mom. If she gets upset just tell her that she's made her wishes very clear.
    via LateAd1848
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    Mccampb 9h ago The "green eyed monster" really sounds like her version of "because I told you so" which has NEVER worked long term. Why? Because kids figure out what it really means - I don't have a good answer I just want it. Which is immature and leads to mistrust.
    via Mccampb
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    Jynx-Online 6h ago Simple answer: "Fine Mom. Do what you want - but when I turn 18 and go No Contact with you and you are asking why, I am going to remind you of this exact moment. I'm not jealous of sharing my mother. I'm jealous that she now has a mom and a dad, whilst I now have neither." Just refuse to talk about it after that.
    via Jynx-Online

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family drama dads teen 16 famiies teenager drama kids brother birthday siblings 16th birthday moms parenting sweet 16 dad story family sibling sister stories parent mom cousins parents
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